The Stepford Wards

My current contract with CancerCareOntario and associate hospitals in the region has me touring the countryside directing sit downs with the operational directors of all of the cancer related service providers in the region including hospitals, lobby groups, and third party research and information workers in an attempt to cure the disease. Just kidding, Im working to improve wait times for cancer service in the region, but I sneak around and look for the room they are hiding the cure in everyday.


Anyways, so yesterday I made the trek out to Cobourg to visit the new Northumberland Hills Hospital and let me tell you, I have found the eden of health care. The nurses and female workers at this hospital were ALL were gorgeous happy little fembot minxes. Now keep in mind these people work in hospitals, and no hospital is really that sexy when you get passed the instilled image Zach Morris left us during his knee surgery. These women werent like Western University girl hot, but like if all the nurse grads from Western were to work somewhere, Im thinking its in Cobourg. Okay, sure there was the odd 65 plus volunteer at the information booth or coffee kiosk, but they even looked like they had in going on in their prime. This scene out of a Ira Levin novel had me thinking that Christopher Walken was going to come around the corner any second with the secret to robotic clone beauty that has so long lived in fairy tale status in my mind.


The vision of that which epidomizes the hot nurse fantasy made me blink 182 times thinking about how much the cover of an late 90s punk.pop album resembled the staff at this hospital and how much I wanted to hug these Jill Kelly lookalikes while they felt me up with a stethascope. Was that sentence uncomfortable for anyone else but me?

So, gentleman, and ladies if youre a freak, when in need of care, or a simple sponge bath, I strongly suggest that you make a venture out to Cobourg and get the warm hearted, sympathetic and caring service you deserve out of your free health care.

Northumberland Hills Hospital; a sexy place to die.

k....that last comment lacked sympathy.

posted by mr. tomas ubik @ Friday, July 15, 2005