Lets Talk about the Large Junk in Iraq.

You know there's time when you need to hate the horror that is one man's existence, but to be fair and just as all honourable democratic civilians should strive to be, there are times where credit must be given where credit is due. Today's tongue biting honourable mention goes to Mister Saddam Hussein, former Iraqi president for those under rocks.

In spite of being the most ruthless dictator of the modern era, you really have to give Saddam Hussein credit for having the largest balls on the planet. In a move that I thought may never happen, in replace of just keeping him in some Alabama hole for the rest of eternity, Saddam took the stand yesterday in the first of what could turn out to be many trials accusing him of war crimes, torture, murder, really anything that Moses was preaching against in roughly the same geography some odd millennia ago (story).

But Saddam, always the attention seeker, just had to show the world that he is not only a heartless killer, brutal tyrant, and manipulative leader, but the sixty five year old man, also has the most giant set of ignorant BALLS to ever grace the small screen.

Though I'm sure many of you know already, Saddam refused in trial to honour the court in which he stood, he would not give his name, pleaded not guilty to all charges, and insisted that his constitutional rights as President of Iraq be upheld, and that his guilt or innocence should not be judged.

I mean, put yourself in that man's shoes. The guy is saying fuck you world, in a world that is pretty one sided with respect to Saddam's guilt. Say what you will about America's present role in the the middle east, but Saddam is guilty, everyone knows it, except for his ignorant and overly confident ass. I mean he didn't even wear a tie. I wore a tie when I tried to plead down my speeding ticket when I was 18. Successfully mind you!

I really think I should sit down with Saddam and maybe he could take my approach to getting out of his trial, as I did an Ontario speeding ticket. First, dress appropriately. Two, don't be ignorant to the obvious. Three, admit fault but that you're sorry. Finally, tell them that you were really late for work, that you are a student trying to make his way, and that that the 100s of people he killed were walking right up close behind him and that he felt pressured to get away the fastest way possible so that he could move to the right hand lane.

If all goes well, Saddam might end up with only a 90 dollar ticket, a stern warning, and being grounded from using his mom's car for a month. It's important to look to our youthful innocence to grow for the future. Saddam huge balls, moral of the story.

posted by mr. tomas ubik @ Wednesday, October 19, 2005