I aim to please, you aim too, please!

This is going to be news for the ladies, unless you've lived with guys or hung out with many while drunk. Men piss on seats! It's true, it doesnt happen often but realize that our mission when entering a washroom without urinals is to take the option of lifting a seat of which other men may or may have sat on bare assed, unzip, unclip, and let fly a routine action of urinary target practice. Now, most of us try and hit the porcelain framed hole, in fact I like to think I am pretty good at the art of "pissarchery" but really, even Robin Hood missed the bullseye from time to time.

Now this story is awkward and possibly a reason that many guys choose to find private arenas for excretion when they gotta empty the tank, but here goes.

Yesterday around 1600h, I go into the washroom right around from my office to relieve the ninth bottle of water I consumed that day. I go into the stall and whammo there it is, the evidence of a co-workers marked territory on the porcelain nest. Not wanting to interact with said marked territory, I simply take very accurate aim and do my thing. Everything is good right, flush with the foot, walk away clean, no mess, no interaction with the sparatic's of another.

Until I walk out of the stall and whose exchanging paths with me, but non other than one of the chief oncologists of the entire regional health care corporation to which I am currently under contract for research purposes. And I think to myself, as he begins his stall entry, "Oh no, the other man's piss, he's gonna think...I....ahh shit". So acting on my quick witted talents, I make a mean about face, pass the surgeon to the inside and b-line for the stall, unravel some tissue and start blowing my nose.

Problem averted right? Oh but wait! So after I falsely blow my nose (well kinda falsely, I have allergies right now so its kind of always necessary) and head back out towards the door, but the surgeon hasnt left, he's been at the sink. You see hospital types clean EVERYTHING before doing ANYTHING. So as I grudgingly exit the bathroom, he passes me by , and as opposed to using the other stall, he proceeds into the same soiled stall of someone's soakings that I just left. I go back sit at my desk with a inquisitive eye on the bathroom exit.

To no surprise, one of the four guys whose job is to remove tumours for the entire half a province, exits the can, throws me a snarky eye cut, smiles knowingly, and states:

"don't worry, we pay people to clean it".

I sit there in a half chuckle, half tongue tied state of unrest, as he passes me by and follows with :

"half the time I don't even try to hit the bowl".

The unrest turns to a laugh out loud, head to chest chuckle, with a final "have a good one" from me to the surgeon. Gentleman please, aim tight from here on in, you never know what awkward place your gonna put someone else in because of your airant hose work.

*sidenote of the day: Nicole showed me the proper girl sqaut technique yesterday for mid forest peeing....damn thats rough ladies.!!!
*sidenote II: this is the most socially grosse thing I ever wrote...these things are usually reserved for the barrstarr

posted by mr. tomas ubik @ Friday, June 10, 2005