VOTE GAIA
Sure when talking politics and the way in which people vote you can bring in socio-economic factors, foreign policy factors, ego maniacle corporate factors, or straight up fear tactics, but I'll tell you right now you're just needlessly covering up the truth with academic jargon fed to you by pundits and analysts while ignoring the truth behind the production of all views right or left wing; mother nature. Yeah thats right, I said it, mother nature is the product of all views right wing, ok well not all, but I have recently discovered the most obvious reasoning for the perpetuation of a senseless right mind that foolishly hangs on to pushing for control of two of the most powerful nations on the planet.I hope you are sitting, and if you live in any of the regions that are affected by the newly discovered political policy maker, I am truly sorry that you must find out here and now why it is you choose to support sheltered twits like Mister Harper and that Bush thing.The reason for the republican government and a powerful canadian conservative party is.......mother nature.
At this point you're political mind has shifted away from reading this sensibly but I urge you bear with me, for while my reasoning cannot explain the creation of some cemented right wing states, if you throw the canadian red-blue geography into the mix you start to see how this reasoning really is the secret to all things political life.
Before I explain, it is best to reason why mother nature holds so much obvious power over our human minds, and where better to find reason than from, well Hollywood of course:
- Day after Tommorow: shows the powerlessness of human kind once mother nature decides its had enough of our shit.
- Crash (the new one, not Cronenberg): For two hours paints out how fucked human lives are but at the end has snow falling in California to prove that nothing ain't as fucked as modern weather. or maybe its saying that humans fuck everything up, each other, the weather, but whatever; mute point here today.
- The Santa Clause 2: theres this council of fairy tale creatures and mother nature is above Santa and the Tooth Fairy, which obviously proves my point.
We all know that North America's right wing has taken the shape of this giant "L" which begins over in the east in the Dixie states, stretches across to Texas and then jets upwards along the ROCKIES right past the border and north through Alberta. Now this new found evidence does not explain the Dixie states, but really can anyone explain the reasoning behind the decisions people make from states that live life talking and acting like Rosco P. Coltrane from the Dukes of Hazard; I think not. I do believe that in these states alone (georgia, the carolina's, mississippi, kentucky, and well i could go on, but just link here) have foiled mother nature's control out of ideocy and now base their votes out of human produced buzz words like "terrorism" (ooh) and "moral values" (ahh), but outside of these backwater yippykiyo communities it is still sweet ole mother nature that reigns supreme and dictates whether you take perspective from the right or the left; and here's the answer as to why.
MOUNTAINS
There it is ladies and gentlemen, the reason that the left wing has not taken over the right is because of mountains, I said it, it's true, and it just became cloudy over my office because I've let the cat out of the bag; sorry Gaia. The answer is simple, the sensible people of the rocky mountain sided states and provinces have one simple problem inhibiting them from shifting to the ndp, liberal, or democratic parties; large mountains like the Rockies prevent them from looking too far to the left. Every day these poor, environmentally molded minds wake up, look out their windows to the left, and what to they see; whammo rocks! A large unmountable wall preventing them from looking to any great distance unless they pull a 180 and stare in the vast distance to the right. And naturally, since the human race is one of discovery, progress, and evolution, you are obviously going to mentally shift your beliefs to that which allows you the most room for exploration.
It makes perfect sense, what colour does the west coast vote (*note: all located over the rocky mountain impeding left): BLUE (*note for Canadians I mean orange or red, but its a more effective point with big colourful letters). What do educated states and provinces on the east coast who can take the liberty to look over land or see vote? BLUE
So there you have it, if we are to ever change the confused minds of the jaded right, we must blow up the Rockies, that or build really high cities that can look over the dreaded policy cliffs of the west. I am sorry if you now feel powerless but them's the breaks when you realize how small and controllable you really are.
*peas and carrots make eyesight better
posted by mr. tomas ubik @ Wednesday, June 08, 2005
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