Free Range Pork: From my bed to yours.

About a month ago I posted an entry about a conversation I had with a guy in a wheelchair at 3am. This past weekend (yes I know its thursday, but Im still recovering) I interacted with a man with a cane whose conversation was far more intriguing and bewilderingly awkward not to post in attendum to that which went on with the wheelchair man who thought Id make real popular in the army.

Standing outside the Kingston Brew Pub on a night which proved to be the most intoxicated I have ever found myself, we were introduced to the following gent who stumbled, cane in hand out from an alley to the right of the pub.

Things you must understand to fully appreciate this story:

• keep in mind this night consisted of 8 bars, 9 hours of drinking, including some drinks at the holiday inn lounge bar, a stag for my father, me, francisco, my brother, and a bunch of my dads more aged buddies. Debauchery included, two trips to the strip club, a cougar all over me at the holiday inn, very posh threats to a bar staff ready to kick me out, and the drunken kickings of sideview mirrors on parked traffic on the way home.
• kingston ontario has a ghost tour, which for 8 dollars you can follow a young guy in a cape around the downtown core learning about the haunted buildings Canada's first capital is housing.
  
• I still have the business card of the individual in the following conversation.
• kingston's smoking bi-law insists that you cannot even smoke on the patio, but must go out to the curb...fascists!

So me and two of Dad's buddies are outside having a dart and from the alley the conversation goes like this...

porker: Does you guys know where a guy could score some pot in this town
yours truly (YT): sorry man, wrong time, if you had caught me an hour ago on the other side of the city, maybe.
porker: damn, its like everyone lies about pot in this town. your not lying are you
yt: no, sorry, I really cant help you out right now
porker: man, come into the city for one night and try to score some pot, nothing
yt: where are you from
porker: I live north of the city about a half hour
yt: thats cool, Im from Toronto, were here partying with those guys. (points to 8 guys scarfing wings)
porker: I raise pigs
yt: sorry?
porker: Im a free range pig farmer. but im pure, like no hormones, no antibiotics, no pasturizing
yt: sounds like good pork
porker: want a card?
yt: uh sure

at this point porker pulls out a card which I could of printed and cut off my printer at home, which features a clipart pig with Free Range Pork written across the curly tail, and then a box with the above sales pitch in bulleted form on a white card with black writting.

yt: looks like good pork
porker: i sleep with my pigs ya know
yt: im sorry
porker: i sleep with them to ensure quality
yt: oh yeah
porker: i dont get to shower much because a clean smell will disrupt their digestive habits.
yt: I see
porker: no, im not lying, very rarely.

at this point the kingston ghost tour walks past, like 20 people led by a kid in a cape with a lantern.

porker: is that the ghost tour?
yt: yeah I think it is, its only 8 bucks.
porker: (yelling out the the crowd) you wanna see ghosts you should all come to my ex wives houses.
yt: haha
porker: 3 wives now thats ghostly, they'll scare the shit out of ya. its where all my money goes and its way more than 8 bucks I tell ya. do you have any wives?
yt: haha, no man, listen I gotta go to the washroom, it was good meeting ya.
porker: call that number if you need any pork
yt: will do.


This guy was hilarious, like 6,2, 260lbs, with a long zz top looking brown beard, and a serious self carved cane. As I like to support all local farmers below is the contact information for Dale Williams' Free Range Pork. Remeber his pork is:

Antibiotic Free
Hormone Free
Pastured Pork

and its slept with for quality!!!

Rockledge Farm
R.R.#3 Odessa, On.
613.389.8900
email at dale.williams@lycos.com


just dont go alone, ok kids?

posted by mr. tomas ubik @ Thursday, September 08, 2005